What If the Holidays Aren’t So Happy?
The holidays have been deemed “the most wonderful time of the year.” But for many, they fall far short of that promise. There are a number of reasons that people struggle with the holidays, including difficult relationships with family members, having lost a loved one, or being far from home. People who do find this to be a hard time of year often feel isolated and suffer in silence in trying to conform to the general expectation of jolliness and good cheer. Read on for a few suggestions for how to support yourself through the holidays if you know they can be challenging for you.
1. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. If you do not feel happy, excited, peaceful, rested, etc. during the holiday season, THAT IS OKAY. There is a lot of external pressure to feel a certain way around the holidays, and we do not need to compound that for ourselves with internal pressure. Trying to deny or put a positive spin on your emotions often just makes you feel worse. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you genuinely feel. There are no “bad” or “wrong” emotions. Try to just acknowledge your emotions for what they are without judging them or shaming yourself for having them. Giving ourselves space to feel can actually help us move through our emotions faster.
2. Be mindful of how you are committing your time. The holidays are often filled with invitations and obligations, from family time to work parties to the random cookie exchange that you’re not sure why you were invited to. It is easy to overwhelm ourselves if we are not choosy about which invitations we accept. Remember, you do not HAVE to do anything. If spending time with family is triggering or the very thought of one more social outing exhausts you, allow yourself to say no. If you fear disappointing others, remind yourself that the alternative is disappointing yourself.
3. Have a plan. If you anticipate that the holidays will be hard for you, it is wise to map out a plan for how you are going to get through them beforehand. If we wait until we are actively feeling terrible to try to figure out what to do about it, we are setting ourselves up to get stuck in a dark place. Identify some activities you can engage in to nurture yourself proactively and if you find yourself feeling down, anxious, angry, or otherwise struggling, such as taking walks, doing yoga, watching favorite movies, or using an artistic outlet. Make some plans that you can genuinely look forward to, like a day trip away or time with friends who lift you up. Think too about asking someone you trust to be available if you need to reach out for support. Whatever you come up with, write it down. It is often when we most need our coping skills that we are least able to remember to use them.
Feeling like you could use some extra support this time of year? I’m here to be a resource for you.
