Self Love Therapy - Inner Abundance Counseling

Do you frequently experience self-critical thoughts?

Do you struggle to feel lovable, deserving, worthy, or good enough?

Do you compare yourself to others and always find yourself lacking?

Is it hard for you to understand what you need or to set boundaries with others?

The longest relationship we will ever have is the relationship with ourselves, and for most of us it’s a complicated one. Many of us speak to and treat ourselves in ways that we would never dare treat others. We are demanding, critical, harsh, and unkind, and it can feel like nothing we ever do is good enough.

Sometimes low self-esteem or lack of self-love are products of past traumas or symptoms of depression, and other times they are just a result of being a human in this tough world. Whatever the root cause, being alienated from ourselves takes a negative toll on our work, relationships, and ability to find joy and satisfaction in life generally.

It’s No Accident that It’s Hard to Love Ourselves

We live in a White supremacist, patriarchal, heteronormative world that sends clear messages about what kinds of bodies are beautiful and what kinds are not. Our culture says that if you are not White, thin, able-bodied, cisgender, and heterosexual then you are not desirable, and even if you are all these things well you could probably still be doing better.

Moreover, there are entire industries that try to make us not like ourselves so that we will buy whatever products or services they are selling in order to feel better about ourselves. Given this context, no wonder so many of us struggle to love and celebrate who we are.

Lack of self-love can manifest in many ways. It might show up as perfectionism or feeling like you need to be good at everything to earn your right to feel good about yourself. It may show up as insecurity in your relationships or fear that other people will realize they don’t actually like you that much and will leave. It may show up as lack of boundaries or people pleasing because you feel like it’s your job to make other people happy, not yourself. It may show up as not knowing what you want, feeling indecisive, or having a hard time trusting yourself. Or it might be a nagging voice in your head telling you that you are stupid, ugly, useless, or otherwise not good enough.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, know that you do not have to continue to try to change or “fix” yourself. You are a good, worthy, lovable, and wise person exactly as you are, and I can help you access the self-acceptance, compassion, and confidence that will allow you to embrace your most authentic self and build a life that honors it.

Make Peace with Yourself Through Self-Love Therapy

I believe that having a strong foundation of love, respect, and trust within ourselves is the gateway to realizing a joyful and meaningful life. In self-love therapy, I will help you to discover and embrace who you authentically are, learn to understand and meet your needs, and replace thought patterns and behaviors that make you feel small or inadequate with alternatives that make you feel empowered and confident.

That work starts with our relationship. I create a warm, safe, and affirming space for my clients to be seen, understood, and celebrated for who they are. I am never perfect and am always open to learning from my mistakes, but I aim to make our therapeutic relationship a space where you feel like you are enough exactly as you are.

I then work with my clients to identify obstacles within that lead them to withhold their love, acceptance, and kindness from themselves. We will pinpoint the roots of these obstacles, like past trauma, anxiety, or depression and address them together.

I will also help you gain awareness of present patterns, habits, and tendencies that keep you in a cycle of negativity and develop new tools, practices, and perspectives that will start to feed a healthier relationship with yourself. In many cases as people start to listen to and prioritize themselves guilt or friction in relationships can arise, and if either of these occur I will help you navigate through them.

Self-love is a journey without a destination. We don’t one day arrive at self-love and then never experience doubt, self-criticism, or lack of confidence again. But what we can work together to do is establish routines that honor your needs, put emphasis on that which brings you joy and purpose, and develop skills to relate to yourself in a supportive and kind way both when you succeed and when you struggle. Even if you feel alienated from or at odds with your genuine self, with the help of an expert, supportive, and compassionate therapist you can start orienting yourself toward peace, contentment, and self-worth today.

You May Still Feel Unsure about Self-Love Therapy…

Being hard on myself motivates me to work hard and progress in my life. If I start practicing self-love, won’t I lose my edge? 

It is a commonly held belief in our no pain no gain culture that being critical of or hard on ourselves motivates us to try harder or be better. But the research does not support this. Leading self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff has found that self-criticism creates a stress response inside our bodies. And the more stressed we are, the less capable we are of focusing our energies in productive ways. Further, when we beat ourselves up for every misstep or failure, it can make it so that we stop putting ourselves out there altogether to avoid possibly activating our inner critic.

Self-love does not mean having no expectations for yourself. It involves knowing who you are deeply, what matters to you, and what you need to feel healthy, happy, and whole and then pursuing a life that reflects this. When you are actively practicing self-love, you will actually feel more motivated to strive, take risks, and go after what you really want.

This all sounds a bit woo-woo. Do I really need to be spending time and money figuring out how to love myself?

Given our busy and demanding lives, I completely understand how learning to love yourself can seem like a low priority item. Yet I think it is a practice that pays great dividends. Think about how much time and energy you expend presently on thought patterns or habits that reflect a lack of self-love or trust in yourself, like comparing yourself negatively to others, disliking your body, doing things for others that you don’t really want to do, doubting yourself, or overthinking your choices. Now think about all the things you could do if you had that time and energy back to use however you like. That is what we accomplish in self-love therapy.

Isn’t it selfish to just focus on me and what I need?

I think the problem here is how we define selfishness. Many of us, women especially, are socialized to perceive anything at all that we do or think about that is just for us as selfish. But you deserve to take up space in your own life, and it is not selfish to claim that right.

While it is okay to make yourself happy just for the sake of making yourself happy, strengthening your self-love will benefit those around you too. By loving and nurturing yourself, you give yourself the ability to show up for others in a sustainable and positive way. Moreover, when you practice being genuine to yourself in a visible way, you give those around you the permission to do the same. Think about how you would want your friends, partner, or children to feel about themselves. You embracing who you are and giving yourself what you need will help pave the way for them to do the same.

Come Home to Yourself

I invite you to connect with me today to discuss how self-love therapy can help you feel worthy, confident, and safe within yourself. I offer a free phone consultation where we can get to know one another and see if we feel like a good fit. You can reach me at 720-399-7465 or by filling out my contact form found by clicking on the button below to get started.

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