Self-Compassion, Even When Life is Kicking Your Ass
Many of us have a rocky relationship with ourselves even in good times. We might be going through our day just fine only to be hit unexpectedly by self-doubt, self-criticism, or feelings of inadequacy. Amidst our present uncertain and ever-changing global circumstances, many have been feeling even less grounded and at home within themselves. Uncertainty drives anxiety, and often the more anxious we are the easier it is to spiral into negative self-talk. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading self-compassion researcher, defines self-compassion as having three major elements. I describe these below, as well as how you can put them into practice in your daily life to help you start to cultivate a kinder, more loving relationship with yourself today.
1. Mindfulness. Oftentimes we don’t even realize when we have become engulfed by negative thoughts or emotions. Mindfulness involves non-judgmentally observing and labeling our thoughts and feelings for what they are. If you find yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or down, try just naming these emotions for what they are rather than avoiding them or being carried away by them. See if you can find thoughts that go along with your current emotions and just name those too.
2. Connect with common humanity. Any emotion, challenge, struggle, or negative thought we have ever faced is also experienced by many of those around us. However, when we are suffering we often lose sight of this and mistakenly assume that we are uniquely bad, worthless, incapable, etc. Next time you are being hard on yourself (once you have mindfully noticed that this is happening), try reminding yourself that others have also been in your shoes and experienced whatever you are experiencing. You are in good company. You are never alone.
3. Practice speaking to yourself the way that you would to a loved one. Most of us are so much harder on ourselves than we would ever be to another person. Pay attention to your internal dialogue and ask yourself if the things you are saying to yourself and about yourself are things you would ever say to a partner, friend, or family member. If the answer is “no,” that is a good indication that whatever you are telling yourself is unhelpful. Try asking yourself instead, “how would I talk a loved one through the situation that I am currently experiencing?” Then offer these same kind, encouraging words to yourself. You deserve them.
Do you feel that being overly hard on yourself or self-critical is holding you back from the life you want? Self-love therapy can be a life-changing tool for helping you develop a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself so you have the foundation you need to build the life you want. Contact me today to get started.
Source:
https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
