For most of us life is a series of demands on our time, energy, and resources. Oftentimes when put on the spot, we default to saying yes without really considering our response and its consequences first. This can lead us to feel overextended, exhausted, and resentful if it becomes a pattern. It pays to be thoughtful when deciding what we will say yes to and what we will decline, but this can feel easier said than done.

So what’s the solution? I propose that the answer lies in liberating ourselves from the in-the-moment response. When someone asks something of you, rather than respond right then and there instead say some version of “let me check my availability and get back to you on that.” Deferring a response in the moment then gives you a chance to think about:

1.    Can I do this? Do I have the time/energy/resources/knowledge to be able to fulfill this request?

2.    Do I want to do this? Does it sound interesting, enjoyable, or otherwise rewarding to me to meet this request, or am I leaning toward saying yes out of a sense of obligation or to people please?

3.    What will be the consequences/what will I have to give up in order to do this? What will I not be able to do because of the time/energy/resources it requires of me to fulfill this request?

If you answer no to questions 1 or 2, then your final response is “no.” If you answer yes to questions 1 and 2 AND the consequences you uncover in question 3 are minimal or worthwhile to you, then your final answer is “yes.” Circle back around to the person who originally made this request of you and let them know your answer. Remember, you do not need to overexplain or justify if your response is “no.” It is enough to simply say “I can’t this time” or “I’m not available.” Your boundary is valid.

Need some help working through your people pleasing tendencies so you can reclaim your time and inner peace? Contact me today to get started.