How EMDR Can Help You Tap Into Self-Love
We face many obstacles to self-love, but one of the biggest for many people is shame. Shame is a common experience in the aftermath of trauma. Renowned researcher Brene Brown defines shame as, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” Being stuck in shame means being stuck in the belief that you are a bad person. You are cut off from your ability to give love and kindness to yourself as well as to accept love from other people.
Shame makes us want to hide and withdraw from others. We fear other people’s rejection, so we avoid putting ourselves out there at all. This becomes a self-feeding problem because shame tends to grow in the dark. The more we isolate ourselves from others and hide our true selves, the more convinced we become of our inherent defectiveness. Research has found that the presence of shame both contributes to the development of PTSD symptoms in the wake of trauma and the persistence of PTSD symptoms even after trauma treatment. This points to the importance of treatment approaches that directly target and address shame so that it does not continue to block healing.
How EMDR Addresses Shame & Facilitates Self-Love
I often hear from my clients that they know intellectually that they are a good person and that the traumatic things they have experienced are not their fault, but that they struggle to feel like this is true. They want to access their own self-compassion and self-love but can’t. Just talking about the reasons why they are not a bad person and are worthy of love and compassion doesn’t do anything to move the needle. The intellectual understanding strengthens, but that felt sense doesn’t change.
This is where EMDR therapy can be tremendously useful. We aren’t born believing that we are bad, unworthy people. Rather, this is a message that we internalize through traumatic or distressing life experiences. EMDR directly targets the experiences where the shame originated. Through sets of eye movements, taps, or tones, the maladaptive memory networks where traumatic memories are stored can link up with the healthy memory networks that know and understand that these experiences don’t define who you are or your goodness as a person.
Successful EMDR therapy enables you to truly feel that your deservingness of love, kindness, and connection is not lessened by the things that have happened to you. It allows you to release shame, forgive yourself, and start accessing your own love and compassion.
In completing EMDR therapy, traumatic experiences will also lose the power they used to hold over you. When these experiences no longer feel so heavy in the present, people often find that they are able to start showing up as their full and authentic selves. They can begin to be more open with trusted others in their lives about what they have experienced. This then opens the door to receiving love, compassion, and support from others which further combats shame and fuels self-love.
Are you ready to start clearing out the blockages that keep you from knowing the peace, comfort, and security of self-love? Contact me today to get started.
