Anxious During the Holidays? Here’s How to Cope
For people who already struggle with anxiety, the holidays can be a major trigger. Packed social calendars, having to spend money on gifts, pressure to be with family who you may or may not want to spend time with, and the general expectation to be joyful are just a few of the layers that make this time of year complicated for many. If you know your anxiety tends to ramp up around the holidays, keep reading for some ideas on how to take care of yourself this month and beyond.
Manage Your Expectations
I encourage you first to think about what kinds of expectations you place on yourself and the holiday season. Do you expect yourself to be happy, grateful, peaceful, excited to celebrate, or some other purely positive emotional state? On the flip side, do you expect this time of year to suck because it generally has in the past?
For most people neither side of this coin is very helpful. People who expect themselves to be happy can end up feeling anxious, disappointed, or like something is wrong with them if they have a different holiday experience. People who expect to be miserable often feel anxious in the lead-up to the holidays and can end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I offer my clients a middle ground: neutrality. Try to drop expectations in either direction for this season and instead approach it with openness, curiosity, and nonjudgment. In doing so you allow yourself to just experience it for what it is without unintentionally making things harder for yourself.
Set Boundaries
The holidays are often a time of overdoing it. This excess can show up in a number of ways, such as spending too much money, over-socializing, drinking too much alcohol, and not allowing yourself down time. The result can be high anxiety.
I recommend that you think ahead about what is comfortable vs. what is too much for you. How much can you spend on holiday gifts without creating financial discomfort for yourself? How much can you socialize before it starts to feel exhausting? Who do you actually want to spend time with? How often/how much can you drink before you start to experience rebound anxiety the next day? How much alone time do you need to feel grounded and recharged?
Allow the answers to these questions to inform boundaries that you set for this holiday season. Some examples of what these boundaries can look like include:
Letting people know if you are unable to do monetary gifts or can only do small gifts.
Turning down invitations to holiday parties or other engagements that don’t actually sound appealing to you.
Not seeing family or keeping family engagements short if they are a source of anxiety for you.
Planning alone time or self-care time into your schedule and taking it as seriously as you take your commitments to others.
Beware of Perfectionism
Many people feel compelled to get things perfect around the holidays, a reality that is fed by social media depictions of what the holidays are “supposed” to look like. You might find yourself subtly (or not so subtly in some cases) pressuring yourself to find the perfect gift, bake the perfect homemade cookies for the cookie exchange, find the perfect matching pajamas for your family, or send the perfect holiday cards, to name a few. It might feel like you MUST do these things if you are to be a good partner/parent/child/friend/coworker, etc. and it can create a huge amount of anxiety trying to live up to the standard of perfection.
But there is no such thing as perfect, and there is no moral mandate that you have to do anything to make holidays look a certain way. Again, ask yourself what you actually enjoy doing or find to be meaningful, and give yourself permission to accept “good enough” in those areas. Let the rest go.
Maintain Some Semblance of Your Routine
Extra activity and travel often accompany the holidays, both of which can make it hard to stay in our normal routines. Try to identify one thing in your typical routine that helps you feel calm and centered, like a daily walk, meditation, listening to music, baking, an exercise class, or journaling. Then try to make it a priority to continue to incorporate whatever that is into your days, even if it is with lesser frequency or intensity than usual.
Note, however, that it’s totally okay to have some flexibility this time of year! Don’t create an additional source of anxiety for yourself by panicking over how you have only been to the gym three times this week rather than your usual five. Something is better than nothing, and what matters most is having intentionality around doing something on a regular basis in service of your mental health.
Access Your Support System
You don’t have to struggle alone. Let trusted family, friends, or partners know how you’re feeling so they can show up for you. Also, if you tend to have extra anxiety or other difficult emotions around the holidays, let your therapist know. Through anxiety counseling, they can help you gain the self-awareness and tools you need to care for yourself effectively. Have you been meaning to find a therapist? Contact me today to get started.
