We have a tendency to classify our emotions as either “positive” or “negative.” In general, the emotions we call positive are those that feel pleasant, while those we call negative are those that feel difficult, uncomfortable, or painful to experience. Happy, content, and calm typically are labeled as “positive,” whereas sad, angry, and anxious are typically labeled as “negative.”

Emotions themselves, however, are neutral. They are just states of energy that move through us all the time and are neither good nor bad until we impose a judgment upon them. While it might seem like a matter of simply using convenient language to describe our experiences, a variety of unintended consequences can arise when we consistently deem certain emotional states to be negative.  

What’s so bad about calling emotions negative?

There are several problematic aspects to our tendency to categorize our emotions as positive or negative. First, it is our natural human instinct to avoid that which our minds judge to be negative. Habitual avoidance of our emotions, however, does not make them go away. On the contrary, avoiding our emotions tends to heighten them and can contribute to mental and physical health issues over time, such as depression, anxiety, heart problems, gastrointestinal issues, and headaches.

It is also the case that labeling emotions as negative suggests that there is something wrong with us when we experience them. I often hear people say that they “shouldn’t” be feeling what they are feeling when the emotion is one they consider to be negative. It can become a source of self-judgment and even shame for people to have “negative” emotions, which paradoxically tends to increase emotional distress rather than alleviate it. By making us feel like we are bad in some way for feeling what we feel, attachment to thinking of emotions as negative can actually be a major barrier to self-acceptance and self-love.  

The positive side of “negative” emotions

When we label certain emotions as negative and just want to get rid of them as fast as possible, we miss out on opportunities to increase self-awareness. Emotions often have information to offer us about what is and is not working for us in our lives, what we want or need, or what would make our lives feel more meaningful. If we treat all emotions as neutral and go toward them with curiosity, we can access this information and use it to build better lives for ourselves.

For example, let’s say you consistently feel anxious before work in the mornings. Maybe this emotion is telling you that your current job isn’t the right one for you and that you would feel more fulfilled in a different role. Or maybe you find yourself feeling sad and when you check-in with yourself you realize that you haven’t reached out to your friends in a while. Maybe this emotion is telling you that you need some meaningful connection with others. Or maybe you find yourself feeling angry when you check the news. Perhaps this emotion is telling you that things that are happening in the world do not align with your values or sense of justice and that it would be meaningful for you to get involved in a cause you care about.

In any of the above examples, if you had dismissed, ignored, or tried to avoid the “negative” emotion, you wouldn’t have absorbed information that you could have used to help you meet your own needs or make helpful changes to your life.

Coming to neutrality

So if it doesn’t make sense to keep labeling emotions as positive or negative, what should we do instead? I recommend to all my clients working to come to a place of acceptance and neutrality toward all emotions, understanding that it is normal and healthy to experience a full spectrum of emotions, that all emotions are okay, and that no emotion lasts forever. In so doing, we minimize struggles with ourselves and the distress that accompanies them and are able to access the insight that our emotions can offer.

Do you feel like you could use some help learning to be at peace with all of your emotions? Contact me today to get started.