A consistent routine offers a number of mental health benefits, including reduced stress and improved sleep. By giving our days a basic general rhythm, routines can also minimize decision fatigue and help us get done what it matters to us to get done.

As with all things in life, however, balance is important. If routines become too rigid or our days overly structured, the result can be anxiety and missed opportunities to enjoy life. How do you determine where the line is between helpful and harmful? Keep reading to find out.

Signs that Your Routine Has Gone Too Far

Every minute of your day is scheduled.

It’s great to have a template for how your days flow. There is a difference, however, between generally doing similar things at similar times day to day and having every last minute of your day be regimented and accounted for. The latter can create significant stress and leaves no room for meeting ourselves where we are at on a given day, spontaneity, or just time to let our minds wander.

You feel anxious, irritable, or guilty if you deviate from your routine.

Inevitably, you will not be able to maintain your routine 100% of the time. Variables like getting sick, traveling, or having a particularly busy week at work can make it difficult or impossible to keep the structure you typically keep. How do you feel when this happens?

It is understandable to feel mildly frustrated or bummed out in these instances. But if you feel anxiety, irritability, or guilt that is strong or difficult to move on from, that is occasion to pause. Our routines exist to serve us; we don’t exist to faithfully adhere to our routines. And for our routines to serve us, they have to be flexible enough to accommodate life happening.

You miss out on fun/social experiences.

If you are consistently turning down social invitations or denying yourself experiences you want to have because they would require you to depart from your routine, your routine may have too much power over your life.

Let’s say part of your routine is to go to bed by 10pm on work nights. This makes a lot of sense as a general rule of thumb. But what if your favorite band has a show on a Tuesday night? Or your childhood best friend is in town and wants to see you? Do you let yourself stay out past 10pm? I hope so, because sometimes it is worth it to put the routine aside in order to participate in life in ways that will be fun, joyful, or connecting.

So Now What?

If you identify with any of the above, what can you do about it? Here is a process to consider:

1. Explore why your routine is so important to you and what it feels like will happen if you don’t stick exactly to it all the time.

2. Work to address any exaggerated or distorted fears you identify. An example could be something like, “If I don’t go to bed by 10pm on work nights, I won’t be functional at work the next day.”

3. Purposefully practice departing from your routine. If you typically go to bed by 10pm, stay up until 10:30pm one night. If you usually work out four days a week, try working out only three days a week and do something fun or relaxing with the time you would’ve put in on the fourth day. You will likely find that nothing bad happens when you don’t perfectly uphold the routine and life might even feel a little richer as a result. This will help you be flexible in the future when it makes sense to be.

If you find that you’re getting stuck on any of the above steps, or if you would just like some support finding the right balance for yourself between structure and flexibility, therapy can be a valuable resource. Contact me today to learn more about how I can help you get the most out of your daily life.