Therapy is an investment of your time, emotional energy, and finances. Given this reality, you deserve to get exactly what you hope to out of therapy. A relationship with a therapist, however, is a relationship like any other, meaning that sometimes you can’t get what you need if you aren’t vocal about what your needs are.

Giving your therapist direct feedback can feel intimidating. Keep reading for a breakdown of when to give your therapist feedback and how you can go about doing so to make sure that therapy remains as helpful a resource for you as it can be.

When Should I Give My Therapist Feedback?

There really is no wrong time to give feedback, but there are a few scenarios in which I would definitely recommend that you speak up. The first would be when you are first starting therapy. Your first few sessions are the time in which you and your therapist will lay the foundation for what you are going to work on and how you are going to engage in that work. Some helpful things to share at this point to make sure you get off on the right foot include:

• Your goals in starting therapy

• What you hope to get out of therapy

• What has or hasn’t worked for you in the past

• What type of therapy style/approach you like. For example, do you like direct feedback/being challenged, or do you prefer that your therapist take a more validating stance?

Once you are deeper into your therapy, your feedback on how the process is going is essential. If it’s serving you well, great! If you’re not feeling like you’re getting what you want to out of therapy, however, then definitely speak up. If any of the following are happening, it’s a good time to offer feedback.

• You don’t like or aren’t resonating with a particular type of therapy your therapist is having you do

• You feel like your sessions have gotten aimless and it’s not really clear to you what you’re working on anymore

• You’re unsure whether you are making progress or not

• Your therapist said or did something that upset, offended, or otherwise didn’t sit well with you

Speaking up proactively will help ensure that you get back on track as quickly as possible.

How to Give Your Therapist Feedback

I want to normalize how challenging or uncomfortable it can feel to give direct feedback. Many of us fear hurting other people’s feelings or making things awkward. Know, however, that therapists are specifically trained in how to take feedback gracefully and constructively from their clients. We know that we are not perfect, and a good therapist will welcome the opportunity to do better for you.

If you know that it’s time to give your therapist some feedback, here are a few suggestions that might help you feel more at ease:

• Choose the form of communication that is most comfortable for you. You can absolutely give your therapist feedback face-to-face during one of your sessions. If that feels like a lot for you though, you can also send an email to express your thoughts that way.

• Don’t worry about preserving your therapist’s feelings. Say what you need to say and feel free to do it directly. Again, we as therapists are trained in how to take feedback well and we view it as a positive when our clients practice self-advocacy.

• Don’t feel like you have to come prepared with solutions. If you have ideas on what might work better for you, by all means express those. If you just know that something doesn’t feel right but aren’t quite sure what you would prefer instead, that’s okay! Your therapist is there to help you turn whatever you bring to them into a productive conversation that will help improve your therapy experience.

And that’s it! Though the lead up to these types of conversations can be uncomfortable, the results will be more than worth it. Speaking up for yourself and what you need will enhance your therapy experience and ensure that it remains a positive avenue for self-care and self-growth.

It is also great practice to give feedback in therapy! Self-advocating within the safety of therapy can help you gain the skills and confidence you need to express your needs in other contexts in your life. If speaking up for yourself in this way still feels impossible, contact me today to learn more about how I can support and encourage you as you work to find your authentic voice.